I have so many conversations that begin with… “So when are you going to get married?” or a myriad of other questions that implies there is something wrong with being single. The thing I have been learning over the past few years is how much I actually enjoy being single. I have been single for 33 years now and I honestly do not feel like I have missed out on life by being single.
However, the other day I was listening to someone pray over a baby and started saying to the parents that they will have sons one day, in the form of their girl’s husbands. This made me realize that I am not living a “normal” life and that people put such an emphasis on being married from early on in a person’s life. And while I know the people weren’t meaning for it to make singleness appear to be a bad thing, it hit me and I couldn’t let go of it. Hence this post…
I wish it were more socially acceptable for someone to be single. Have I wanted to have a boyfriend, get married, have kids, etc… yes… but that hasn’t been a priority in my life for many reasons (Which I will get to)… it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to hang out with my friends who are married. And while I do have some married friends who I hang out with regularly I have felt that there have been times I wasn’t invited to something because I didn’t have kids, or because I was single. Yes, there are times that it is needed, but I feel like there have been more times that it’s because they either do not think about me because I don’t have kids/husband/etc… or they think I wouldn’t want to. The thing I have been learning is that it is better to allow the person the opportunity to say, “No.” than to never give them the opportunity in the first place.
I am currently in a season of realizing the importance of me being single, and how much I would have not been able to do if I were married. I am also realizing that it IS okay to be single and there is nothing wrong with it. I don’t have a fear of being single my whole life, and I don’t want to worry about it… and even when I have people asking me questions about when I am going to get married, I just let it be and don’t stress over it.
I’m not writing this to make you feel sorry for me… because I do not feel sorry for myself. I am writing this to make you aware that it is okay to ask those single people in your life to do things with your married friends. If the person isn’t comfortable with hanging out with married couples in a group, then at least give the single person the opportunity to say that. Also, don’t try to make it seem like a priority for someone to get married. What if that person never wants to get married? Even if he/she has stated before that they want to… thoughts change, no I’m not saying I do or don’t… currently, I am completely satisfied with being single and can’t imagine life any other way, due to my current circumstances.
So… my challenge for you, if you are single and you are reading this, don’t be afraid to be around the married couple’s in your life… also, find a family that you are able to sink a lot of time into… be a blessing to that family and believe me, you will never regret investing time, and sometimes money, into their lives.
And for the married people, I challenge you to invite your single friends to events that you are inviting your married couples to… of course, if it’s very much a couple thing then refrain, but if it’s just a time to hang out or go get dinner, it’s okay to do things with singles and couples. But don’t do it trying to “set up” people… unless you tell both parties beforehand.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I would love to discuss this more in-depth over a cup of coffee, or in the comments. Please leave a comment if you have anything to add, whether you’re married or single.