When I started this blog I wrote a post talking about the reason and stating that there would be some posts that are harder than others to write. This is one of those harder ones to write. Not because I’m ashamed, or fearful, but because it exposes a part of me and once it is exposed, there’s no coming back. I will no longer be able to “hide”. And even though it’s hard, it is one of the first posts that will bring the most freedom to me.
I think we all have heard or have seen someone write a post with #metoo added at the end of the post. I have posted this same hashtag, but have never expressed why… and while I am about to share a glimpse into my life that very few people have heard, this is not the full extent.
When I was younger—I’m guessing around the age of 6, but I can’t remember specifically—I had a friend, and I use that term loosely, who wanted to explore things. She wanted to pretend as though we were married and when no one else was around, it turned into her wanting us to act like we were having sex. I knew the things we were doing were wrong, but she told me that we couldn’t be friends if I told anyone. At the time I didn’t have any other friends that were just “mine”, but rather friends that were my sister’s as well.
This went on for a while, and then at some point we just never saw each other anymore. I honestly do not remember why we quit hanging out, but just that we did. I went years thinking I was so dirty and disgusting. I thought that if I told my mom she would be so disappointed in me. I thought my sisters would think I was completely crazy, or that they wouldn’t believe me. And I didn’t say anything to God because I kept hearing the enemy tell me that He won’t love me anymore.
But you see, all of those thoughts were wrong. My mom told me that she loves me more now because I shared it with her. My sisters wanted to go kick someone’s butt and they wanted me to know they hated it happened. And God… oh, God. He knew the whole time, but opened up His arms to hear me tell Him all about it, and He washed me. He made me clean again.
The past few months I have wondered why people wouldn’t come out and let it be known that they were sexually harassed, but then when I thought about it, I realized that I did the same thing. The difference is, I’m not trying to get someone fired, or put in jail. I am expressing my story because I know there are so many other people who have dealt with similar situations but haven’t told anyone. I have spent the past couple of years walking out forgiveness. No, I haven’t found the girl and told her I forgive her, I don’t have to do that… but I have spoke it out loud, and my Papa has heard me.
I don’t want or need your sympathy, but I would love for you to share this, whether you have ever experienced sexual harassment in any form or not. I guarantee there are people around you who has experienced it and they are terrified to tell anyone because they are afraid of what others may think of them. Don’t cast judgement. Remember the woman who was caught in the act of adultery… Jesus told her accusers for the one who has no sin to cast the first stone. Each and every person left, from the oldest to the youngest. All that remained was Jesus and the woman. Jesus doesn’t want to condemn you, He wants to set you free.
Is there someone you need to forgive?