This is a post that I have been chewing on for a while. I want to start of by saying I understand that being single is not for everyone, but being married is not for everyone as well. This is one of those very vulnerable, authentic posts that I would love for you to read with an open mind and further the conversation if you would like to. I would love to hear your thoughts, both in agreement and disagreement.
Over the past few years I have had many people ask me when I was going to get married. And while I know these people didn’t mean any harm by it, it caused me to start wondering what these people thought about me. Did they think something was wrong with me?… amongst many other questions. Ultimately, I pushed it out of my mind, but it kept coming up. I’ve also had people say they were praying that I would find a husband. Which then made me think that they thought my life wouldn’t be fulfilled unless I was married. To which then I started thinking… will I only be fulfilled in life if I get married?
Around the same time I was in a New Testament History and Theology class and a major part of our time was spent talking about Paul and his ministry. At this point I started learning more about Paul and was reminded that Paul was not married and even told the Corinthians, “Now as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
(1 Corinthians 7:6-9 ESV)
This then made me start thinking, why is it such a foreign concept to be single? Or why do people think you don’t live a fulfilled life if you aren’t married? I don’t ask people if they regret being married… so why do people make it such a big deal that I’m single?
You see, I don’t know anything other than being single. I’ve never had a boyfriend, and honestly, I don’t think I’ve missed out on anything by not having a boyfriend. Also, I’m not writing this to make you “feel bad for me”. Because I am really happy with my life.
The thing I have been realizing through all of this is that no matter what stage of life you’re in, or season of life you’re in, you need to be happy and find contentment in that season. However, it doesn’t mean to be so content that you aren’t growing. For me, instead of spending time “finding a husband” I am learning more about myself and I’m continuing my education. But even through this, I’m not going through life thinking… once I finish this master’s degree I will then find a husband. Instead, I am going through life thinking… once I finish this master’s degree I want to get my PhD and if I am single for the rest of my life, I will be completely content with that. However, if Papa wants me to be married I know that it will happen when it’s supposed to happen.
So my challenge to you is this… if you’re married, don’t be afraid to invite that single friend you have to hang out with a group of friends, even if the rest are all married. Also, allow your single friends to be a part of your family. Not only will you be blessed by the extra time that your single friend has, but she/he will also find fulfillment by being able to help you out. (Believe me… I am thankful for my second family). Also, don’t try to set up your single friends unless you have spoken to that friend and you know that he/she is wanting to pursue a relationship with someone. Be okay with your single friends being single. We aren’t diseased or desperate. (I can’t really speak for all singles, but that is the case for me).
Now to challenge all of the singles reading this. Remember that you aren’t flawed because you are single. There is nothing wrong with you. Learn who you truly are and enjoy life in the present. Continue to grow, but don’t focus completely on the future that you forget to live in the now. Also, put yourself out there to help a family who could use having an extra set of hands around the house. Don’t be afraid to become part of that family. Spend time with yourself. Don’t be afraid to go to a movie alone. Take adventures by yourself. You may start by going somewhere on a Saturday by yourself, but then move to taking trips by yourself.
I would love to hear your thoughts. If you’re married, maybe you have ideas for singles to do before getting married, or maybe you want to know what more you can do for your single friends. And if you’re single, I’d love to hear the things you do because you are single that your married friends would have a harder time to do it.
To everyone: love the season you are in to its fullest and learn about yourself and Papa in each season!